


Give A Little Time To Me

by iwritetrash



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Finnpoe - Freeform, Long Distance Relationship, M/M, Modern AU, Pilot!Poe, Stormpilot, Whirlwind Romance, angst after the first 2 chapters, chocolate bar, fluff for now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-23 09:13:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6111860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwritetrash/pseuds/iwritetrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn's chocolate bar gets stuck in a vending machine and Poe is the one who gets it out for him. </p><p>A somewhat whirlwind romance ensues, but when Poe has to leave to return to the Air Force their entire relationship changes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Chocolate Bar

**Author's Note:**

> A/N - Oh, would you look at that, my fingers slipped and this appears to be a multi-chapter work... I'm already working on the next part, although the way it's currently going, the rest of this fic isn't likely to be as fluffy as this first chapter.

All Finn wanted was his favourite chocolate bar from the vending machine before he went to his next class. That was all he wanted. He was tired, and he was sick of his classes and his professors, and he just wanted a boost to get him through his final class of the day.

Unfortunately, the universe seemed set against him when his chocolate bar remained stuck in the vending machine, lodged just inches above the flap, and didn’t budge even after he paid for a second bar in a desperate attempt to dislodge it. After attempts on his own to remove the chocolate bar, and with help from his friend Rey, who was begging him to hurry up, he admitted defeat and got some water from the fountain instead.

Just as he was about to leave the lobby, a large group approached the vending machine. Finn could hear their not-so-quiet conversation, and almost laughed when they noticed the chocolate bars lodged in the machine.

“Hey, whose chocolate is this?” An extremely attractive young man with dark, tousled hair and strong arms, exposed by the short sleeves of his t-shirt, asked the receptionist who had watched Finn’s ordeal with barely contained humour. He blushed when the receptionist pointed him out where he was still stood at the water fountain, and wanted to melt into the floor when the man turned to face him. “These yours?” He yelled across the lobby, gesturing to the chocolate in the vending machine.

Speechless, Finn nodded mutely at him, unable to come up with any coherent sentences. Rey nudged him from her spot beside him and he finally choked out some words.

“Um, yeah, those are mine.” Finn replied.

“Smooth.” Rey whispered, and Finn elbowed her side to shut her up.

“I got you.” The man winked, before turning back to the vending machine and aggressively hitting it to try and make the chocolate bars fall.

“I already tried that.” Finn called but his words seemed to fall on deaf ears.

“Poe, come on!” One of the girls from the group groaned.

“Give me a minute, Jess.” He huffed and Finn held back a laugh at his determined expression.

“This guy doesn’t give up.” Rey had chuckled quietly at his side. “He must really want to fuck you.” Finn flushed and elbowed her again.

“He doesn’t want to fuck me, he’s just being a nice guy.” Finn muttered. “Right?” He turned to Rey and she laughed.

“You are far to naïve for your own good.” She grinned at him, before checking her watch. “I have to go, I can’t be late for my mechanics class, I’ll see you later at the flat, okay? Text me about how this goes down.” She laughed as she left the lobby, throwing him a quick wink just before she walked out of the doors.

Eventually Poe’s friends left, telling him they’d be in the car, and that he better not make them late for whatever it was they were going to. By this point, Finn was cutting it close when it came to getting to his class on time, and Poe was being heckled by his friends to just leave the damn chocolate and get in the car, and yet he still hadn’t given in.

Finn couldn’t help but be oddly fascinated by the man as he watched him punch and shake the vending machine. At one point he’d even reached up through the flap to try and dislodge the stuck chocolate bars, but had given up when he realised there was no way his arm would reach. Finn had taken to hovering awkwardly a few feet from the vending machine, watching the man, Poe, repeatedly trying the same tactics to get Finn’s chocolate.

“You know, it’s really not that important.” Finn had protested, but his answer was dismissed quickly.

“I’ve almost got it.” Poe had muttered. That had been 5 minutes ago. Just as Poe’s friends told him they were driving off if he didn’t join them right that second and Finn was about to apologise and leave for his class, Poe gave a triumphant whoop and reached into the flap, retrieving Finn’s two chocolate bars. He grinned, before walking over to Finn.

“I believe these belong to you.” He held out the two chocolate bars and Finn smiled.

“You really didn’t have to-“

“Hey, what kind of people are we if we can’t help out a cute guy every once in a while?” Poe smiled. Finn almost choked on his own breath and fumbled for some kind of response. Before he could reply, they were interrupted by the girl from earlier, Jess.

“Poe, I swear to god if your but isn’t on that car seat in 30 seconds we are driving off without you.” She huffed.

“Okay, okay, I’m coming.” Poe laughed, before turning back to face Finn. “I gotta go, I’ll see you around.” He smiled and Finn watched him walk off, struggling to stop his mouth dropping open as Poe swaggered away.

“Did you get it?” Jess asked Poe as they walked towards the car.

“The chocolate, yeah, I-“

“Not the chocolate, dumbass, his number.” She laughed. When Poe didn’t reply, she raised her eyebrows, stopping and turning to face him. “Please tell me you got his number.”

“Well...” Poe smiled sheepishly. “Poe Dameron, you did not spend 20 minutes getting chocolate out of a vending machine for some guy, who by the way is totally into you, and leave without getting his number.” She half screeched at him. “Get your ass back into that lobby and ask him out.” She instructed.

“But-“ Poe tried to protest, but was cut off before he could utter another word.

“GO!” She pointed at the door and Poe rolled his eyes, before turning back to the door, just as Finn walked out.

“Oh, uh, hey.” Finn smiled when he spotted Poe. “Hey, I uh, I was thinking that since I got that chocolate for you, maybe I could get your number in return.” Poe smiled, biting his lip as he waited for Finn to reply.

“Oh, uh, sure, um, okay.” Finn stammered, and he could hear Rey's voice i his head whispering _he so wants to fuck you_. Poe grinned as Finn pulled a scrap of paper out of his bag, along with a pen, and scrawled his number across it. “I’m Finn, by the way.” He added as he handed over the slip of paper.

“Well, Finn, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Poe. Poe Dameron.” He smiled as he tucked the piece of paper into his pocket.

“Poe, get your ass over here.” Snap hollered from the car and Poe had to hold back a laugh as Jess snapped at him.

“Shut the fuck up, can’t you see they’re having a moment.” Poe could just about hear Jess’s quiet hiss, although he sincerely hoped Finn hadn’t heard.

“I should go.” Finn smiled, albeit a little sadly, “I have a class, and your friends are clearly keen to get away.” Poe glanced back at his friends with a small chuckle.

“Yeah, they have a habit of screwing me over when I talk to cute guys.” Poe grinned and Finn blushed. “I’ll see you around, Finn.” Poe bit his lip, before turning to walk over to his friends, and Finn could have sworn he heard Jess screaming something along the lines of ‘Dameron, you are whipped!’ but that could have just been his imagination. Either way, he smiled for the entire journey to his next class.

 _'He got the chocolate.'_ Finn sent Rey a quick text when he arrived at the class, only just making it in on time, knowing she’d be dying to hear what happened.

 _'And? Did he push you up against the vending machine and snog your face off?'_ She replied and Finn had to bite back a laugh. Professor Organa was not fond of interruptions in her lectures.

 _'Unfortunately no, but he did ask for my number...'_ Finn replied, struggling to keep the huge smile off his face when he thought back to the way Poe had smiled at him and the way he bit his lip. His train of thought was cut off by incoming notifications from Rey, including multiple instances of ‘ _I told you so_ ’ and ‘ _he wants to fuck you into the next galaxy_ ’. Finn unlocked his phone and ignored every single one of them, clicking onto the notification from a new number.

 _'I hope you’re enjoying that chocolate bar.'_ Finn smiled slightly as he read the text, but before he could reply, another one came through.

 _'I haven’t stopped thinking about you.'_ Finn blushed as he read the message. He was joking, right? Of course he was.

 _'I bet you say that to all the guys.'_ Finn replied, and received a reply in seconds.

_'No. Just you. You’re special, you see.'_

_'It’s pretty hard to believe a message on a screen...'_ Finn typed back, a small smile on his face.

 _'Then maybe we should meet in person. Tonight? There’s a great little restaurant in town, I’d love to take you.'_ Finn stared at the message on the screen before typing out a reply.

 _'Pick me up at 6.'_ He replied, texting his address, then turning off his phone.

 _'It’s a date.'_ The notification popped up on Finn’s screen and he grinned, before tuning in to the lecture and frantically trying to catch up on what he missed.


	2. The Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn and Poe go on their first date, and Rey is the cringey best friend/roommate, who is also super excited for Finn to go on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy. This is my happy chapter. You know, before I hit you with the angst, which I may or may not have begun writing for the next chapter or two. Kinda long. Kinda shitty. Enjoy, anyway :)

“Rey, it’s no use. None of my clothes are date worthy.” Finn sighed, flopping onto his bed and burying his face in a pillow. “Maybe I should just cancel.” His voice was muffled by the pillow, but Rey’s answer certainly was not.

“Finn, you will go on that date and you will have a lovely time with the very lovely man who asked you out. I will find you an outfit. Now go and shower.” She yelled at him, although he could tell she was teasing him (at least a little bit) and he laughed as he sat up.

“Okay, okay.” He smiled, standing up and walking out of the room and to the bathroom in the apartment they shared, while Rey began rifling through his wardrobe and pulling out various items of clothing.

After a quick shower, he came back into the room and found a small pile of clothes on the bed with a note from Rey on top.

Wear these, and use some of the nice cologne I got you for Christmas. Come out when you’re done.

Finn laughed before picking up the clothes and putting them on. He stared anxiously at his reflection, tugging at the grey button down, paired with some dark jeans, and anxiously unbuttoning and then re-buttoning the top few buttons, unable to decide whether to keep them done up or have the first few open. Eventually he walked out into the main room with the top two buttons undone, only to have Rey tut and do them up again with a sigh.

“Okay. Good. You look good.” She smiled, satisfied with his appearance.

“Are you sure?” He asked, anxiously fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

“Yes I’m sure. You’re a total catch, Finn and don’t you forget it, any guy would be lucky to have you.” She punched his arm playfully. Finn laughed gently and smiled.

“Thanks, Rey, I really appreciate your help.” Finn smiled, pulling the smaller girl into a hug.

“You’re welcome.” She grinned, wrapping her arms around him briefly, then pulling back and giving him an excited smile.

“He’ll be here in, like, 2 minutes, do you have everything you need?”

“Yes, mom.” Finn teased her and she shot him a quick glare before listing off items.

“Money?” She narrowed her eyes

“In my wallet.” Fin patted his pocket

“Keys?”

“Got them.” Finn smiled.

“Phone?”

“Fully charged.” Finn rolled his eyes.

“Condoms?” She asked without blinking, her face deadly serious.

“Rey!” He exclaimed. “It’s a first date!”

“So? He likes you, you like him. He clearly wants to fuck you, and I’ll bet anything you want to have sex with him too.” She replied, without so much as smiling.

“I don’t know,” Finn replied.

“You put condoms in your wallet, didn’t you.” She smiled knowingly. When Finn didn’t reply, glancing down at the floor awkwardly to hide his blush, she burst out laughing. “I knew it!” She laughed.

“Whatever.” Finn shuffled from foot to foot uncomfortably. Thankfully, before Rey could continue her teasing, Poe buzzed their apartment. Finn hurried over to the intercom, shooting a warning look at Rey. “Come on up.” Finn called into the intercom, before turning back to Rey. “Behave.” He warned, and she brought her hand up to her chest in mock offense.

“When have I not behaved?” She asked and Finn raised an eyebrow questioningly.

“My date with Slip?”

“Okay, that was one time! I’m not going to hide in a bush this time! I’ve learnt my lesson, that bush was not comfortable.” She grinned and Finn sighed. Poe’s quick knock at the door had him frantically checking his appearance in the mirror before hurrying to open the door.

“Hi.” He smiled when he opened the door to see Poe stood outside in a white button down with the top two buttons undone, paired with black jeans, holding a small bouquet of white lillies.

“Hi.” Poe grinned. “Uh, these are for you.” He held out the flowers and Finn grinned.

“Thanks, um, come in, I’ll just put these in some water.” Finn smiled, stepping back into the apartment and closing the door behind Poe. “This is my roommate, Rey.” Finn introduced the two of them before hurrying into the small kitchen to place the flowers in a small jug of water, not wanting to leave Rey alone with Poe un-chaperoned. When he returned, however, they were engaged in an animated conversation about planes of some sort.

“Finn, you didn’t tell me your date was a pilot!” Rey grinned at him and he faltered.

“I didn’t know my date was a pilot.” Finn looked over at Poe.

“I’m in the air force, I’m currently on leave.” Poe nodded, glancing carefully at Finn as though he thought it might put him off.

“It’s so cool, if you keep him around I’ll finally have someone I can talk mechanics with!” Rey gushed and Finn laughed, before walking towards the door, gently steering Poe to follow.

“We’re gonna go now, Rey, if that’s alright. I’d quite like to keep my date to myself.” Finn grinned and Rey smiled.

“Bye, have fun.” She yelled as Finn closed the door behind them, but unfortunately not before she could yell “Be safe!” for the two of them to hear.

“She’s a bit...” Finn struggled to find the words to describe her. “She’s great, she can just be a little... intense.” Finn smiled at Poe.

“She seems lovely.” Poe smiled at him as they walked towards the elevator and stepped inside.

“She’s like family, you know? She’s crazy but she’s like a sister to me.” Finn grinned.

“Yeah, I know the feeling. And think she likes me, which I guess is a good thing if I’m hoping to see more of you.” Poe smiled easily and Finn couldn’t help the warm feeling that blossomed in his chest. When they got out of the elevator and made their way out of the lobby, Poe lead Finn to his car.

“It’s about 5 minutes away from here.” Poe smiled as he started up the car, and Finn smiled as he listened to Poe speak, making small talk with Finn on the way to the restaurant. Poe asked how the rest of his day was (good), and did he enjoy his chocolate bars (of course), and what classes he was taking (art and art history), and in return Finn asked where Poe had been going with his friends (to the cinema) and had they enjoyed the film (apparently so).

Eventually they arrived at a small restaurant that smelled pleasantly of cooking food, with spicy aromas drifting towards them even as they stood on the pavement outside. It was quaint and rustic, with a few wrought iron tables and chairs set up outside and a well lit interior. Poe guided Finn into the restaurant and gave a name to the waitress, who lead them to a candle-lit booth in the corner of the restaurant, presenting them with their menus and wishing them the best for their evening.

“So you’re a pilot?” Finn asked, bringing up the subject he’d avoided on the journey here.

“Yes, I am. I joined straight out of high school and I’ve been flying ever since.” Poe smiled.

“What’s it like?” Finn asked. “Flying, I mean.”

“It’s... indescribable. It’s just a total rush of adrenaline and everything you do is a spur of the moment decision. Everything happens in the moment and there’s no thinking about what just happened or what might happen, you think about the now and worry about the rest later. It provides a nice kind of clarity I guess.” Poe smiled, and Finn could tell from the passion in his voice that flying was what he was born to do.

“What got you into flying?” Finn asks, curious about the attractive man sat in front of him.

“My mom was a pilot before me and she’d always tell me these amazing stories about it. I guess that was kind of where it started. She died wen I was 16 and I kind of decided that I was going to carry on her legacy, and I was going to follow in her footsteps.” Poe smiled sadly.

“I didn’t mean to dig up any bad memories or anything...” Finn trailed off.

“Hey, no, it’s fine.” Poe smiled. “I like talking to you about it.”

“What’s so special about me?” Finn asked. “A guy like you could have anyone, and you’re here on a date with me pouring your heart and soul out and telling me I’m different.”

“You are different. You’re different in a way that I can’t quite put my finger on, but something in me is drawing me to you.” Poe replied, and it was then that Finn realised how close he was, as they had both leant into the conversation, until they were only inches apart.

“Yeah?” Finn breathed out and Poe grinned at him.

“Yeah.” Poe whispered, before leaning back in his seat quickly as the waitress returned to take their order. Finn sat back slowly, his eyes still glued to Poe’s as they ordered the food, never breaking eye contact.

The waitress shot them a knowing look as she left their table, and Poe smirked when Finn bit his lip whist still staring intently at Poe.

“So what about you? Any stories to tell?” Poe asked, and Finn seemed to come out of a daze.

“I’m not that interesting.” Finn replied with a slight smile.

“Finn, I’m going to be frank with you. I think I would find your shopping lists interesting. Just tell me about yourself. What do you do in your spare time? What music do you listen to? Where did you grow up?” Poe grinned as he questioned him.

“I grew up in England, but I moved here when I was 10 to live with my grandma after my parents died in a car accident. In my spare time I work in a bakery and volunteer as a leader in the local scout group. I listen to pretty much all music, so no real preferences there. “ Finn replied, smiling at Poe’s interested expression, as he seemed to hang off every word Finn said, watching the delicious way his lips moved to shape each word.

“See, that was easy. It’s my turn, I guess. I grew up in the city with my parents, enlisted straight out of high school and I’ve been in the air force ever since. When I’m on leave I’m mostly just catching up with my friends and my dad. And I’m really into some of the older stuff, the Beatles, U2, the Killers, that kind of thing. Not really old, but old enough that its not mainstream anymore.” Poe smiled.

“So, back to the whole flying thing, how much leave do you get?” Finn asked with a slight frown.

“I’m here for about another month, then I’m back for another year, maybe with the odd day in between, but it depends where I end up.” Poe replied. “It’s tough, only being around for a month before I leave for another year, but everyone seems to understand. The people that didn’t kind of disappeared from my life, and I’m okay with that. I don’t want friends who are only my friends because they see me every day.” Poe smiled. “But enough about that, tell me more about yourself. What’s England like? I’ve always wanted to go...”

They continued with an amicable, and more than just a little flirtatious, conversation for the rest of the evening, hardly pausing when their food was brought to the table, and Finn felt so indescribably comfortable sat in this cozy booth at the back of a small restaurant with a man he’d known for all of 5 hours. He laughed more than he felt like he really had in months and there was a smile fixed on his face that seemed impossible to shake as the evening progressed.

Poe seemed much the same, his face fixed in a wide grin, his loud laugh echoing around the small space and his eyes shining with joy whenever Finn spoke.

As the evening drew to a close, Finns mind began to drift back to what Poe had said earlier. He was only going to be around for another month before he left. Could Finn accept that and let their relationship be conditional, only lasting for as long as Poe was around? Or maybe they would continue their relationship from a distance, though a long distance relationship after only a month together seemed fragile to say the least. Shit, Finn didn’t even know if Poe was looking for a relationship. For all he knew, Poe could just be looking for some fun while he was home. Was Finn okay with that?

Finn was pulled out of his thoughts by Poe frowning a little and asking if he was okay. Finn nodded, smiling, and Poe’s wide grin returned, as if it had never left his face at all.

“Why don’t we get out of here?” Poe asked and Finn grinned.

“Yeah, that would be nice.” He smiled, and Poe called over the waitress almost immediately, asking for the bill. Once they had paid (Poe had point-blank refused to let Finn pay even a single penny), Poe stood up, grasping Finn’s hand as he stood up, and holding onto it as they left the restaurant.

“There’s something I’ve been wanting to do since you opened the door.” Poe whispered, turning to face him, still holding his hand, once they’d left the restaurant.

“Yeah?” Finn asked, breathless from anticipation. “And what would that be?”

“This.” Poe whispered, leaning in and gently pressing their lips together. Finn opened his mouth gently and tugged on Poe’s bottom lip with his teeth, reaching a free hand up into Poe’s hair to tug him closer. Poe leant into the kiss, still keeping one hand locked with Finn’s at their side, but running the other one down Finn’s back to rest lightly on his hip. Poe leaned back to glance straight at him. “Come back to my apartment tonight.” Poe requested, though Finn could tell he still had the option to decline.

“Hell yes.” Finn grinned and Poe tugged him into the car with a wide grin splitting his face in half.


	3. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn and Poe fall for eachother pretty quickly, but before they know it Poe is being sent across the seas and Finn is left behind. Is a month too soon for them to start a long distance relationship?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter, hopefully the next one will be longer. Unfortunately, I can sense a bit of a Dear John/Pearl Harbor type situation brewing (by which I mean the films) (or book, I guess, in the case of Dear John) (idk)

The next morning, Finn woke up in a bed that was certainly not his own, though thankfully he knew how he had come to be there. His only concern now was whether or not he should still be there. He and Poe had talked a lot last night, and he had felt like they’d connected in some way, but he hadn’t been able to deduce if Poe was looking for a one night stand or something more. Besides, he was back for a month, and then he was leaving. Was that something Finn wanted to get caught up in?

It only took one glance at the man sleeping peacefully next to him for him to answer his own question.

Yes. He would absolutely like to get caught up in Poe. That was, if Poe wanted him.

Apparently Poe not wanting him wasn’t even an option, given the way they had spent their morning, before finally climbing out of bed to make breakfast, a routine which lead to a minor foodfight in the kitchen, which of course resulted in a heavy makeout session.

Before he knew it, Finn found himself caught up in a whirlwind romance, swept away by Poe’s charm and wit and stunning attractiveness, and taken aback that he would want to spend his small amount of time away from the airforce with him, although he was aware that most of his friends would be returning with him. Still, Finn was surprised at Poe’s eagerness to be with him, although he wasn’t complaining, and he certainly wasn’t questioning it.

Time flies, however, when you’re having fun, and before Finn could even keep track of the time passing, 3 and a half weeks had flown by in a haze of romance, until one morning Finn woke up in Poe’s bed, not for the first time, with a sense of impending doom that followed the realisation that their time together was almost up.

He glanced at the man sleeping next to him with a sad sort of smile. If the situation were different, if Poe wasn’t going away for so long, Finn could see them having a long relationship, a permanent relationship even. He had fallen hard and fast for the man next to him. Harder and faster than he had for anyone he’d ever loved before. Was it too early to say love? Because that was what was happening. He was falling in love with a man who was about to disappear for a year.

“Stop thinking and come back and cuddle.” Poe muttered, not even opening one of his eyes. Finn laughed quietly, sliding back downing under the covers and wrapping his arms around Poe.

“I’m sorry, I was just thinking...”

“About how I’m leaving soon. I know.” Poe replied for him, turning around to face him, his eyes opening lazily, still slightly fuzzy from sleep.

“We’ll talk about it later, you have the day off, right?” Poe smiled sleepily.

“Yeah, okay.” Finn pressed a sloppy kiss to his lips, before pulling him in to snuggle into his chest, loving the feeling of having Poe wrapped up safe in his arms, knowing that it wouldn’t be this way for much longer.

***

“When do you have to leave?” Finn asked as they settled down for breakfast in an unusually quiet fashion.

“Couple of days.” Poe replied. “I leave first thing on Tuesday.” He sighed.

“Then I guess we need to make the most of the two days we have left and then I guess we just...” Finn trailed off into silence, trying to gauge Poe’s reaction.

“I don’t want to give this up.” Poe seemed to answer the questions running through Finn’s internal monologue. “Maybe now wasn’t the best time to start up a new relationship, but I don’t want to let this go.”

“Me neither, so I guess we need to find a way to make this work.” Finn replied.

“I probably won’t have a phone or a computer, at least not regularly enough for it to be worth considering.” Poe huffed.

“Then I guess we’ll have to do this the traditional way.” Finn grinned. “Good old fashioned love letters.”

***

**_Letter no.1_ **

_Dear Poe,_

_You’ve only been gone for 3 hours as I’m writing this, but I miss you already. Is that crazy? You’ve only been a part of my life for one month and I’ve fallen for you like a stone dropped from the top of a tower. And now you’re gone, and it’s like there’s a hole in my heart where you should be. A hole that I didn’t realise existed until you came along and filled it..._

**_Letter no.6_ **

_Dear Finn,_

_I hate it here. I hate being away from you, and I hate that I know exactly how long it would take me to get home to you if I were to jump into my aircraft and fly back home right now. I hate that my mind whirs late at night with thoughts of you. Thoughts of how you’re doing, what you’re doing, who you’re with. I wonder sometimes if you’re looking up at the same stars I’m looking at right now. Then I realise that it’s the middle of the day for you, so of course you aren’t...._

_**Letter no.23** _

_Dear Poe,_

_Today is Valentines Day, and I can’t help but think of you, and how I wish that I could share today with you. I miss the sound of your voice and the smile on your face and the way you kiss my forehead when you think I’m asleep. I miss every part of you..._

_**Letter no.56** _

_Dear Finn,_

_I’ve been moved to a new area, and this one is worse than the first. I wish there was more I could do to help, and at the same time I know I can’t. Sometimes I think your letters are the only thing keeping me from going insane. I’ve seen far too much blood spilled to possibly be this calm, and I think I owe that to you. I like to think you’re like a good luck charm, keeping me alive through the worst flights..._

_**Letter no.87** _

_Dear Poe,_

_Jess came to see me today to tell me you were injured, and I almost had a heart attack, because I thought she was coming to tell me you were dead. Please stay safe, wherever you are. Please don’t get shot down again, I don’t think I could take the panic. I suppose the only plus side is that you’ll be home for a few weeks..._

_**Letter no.88** _

_Dear Finn,_

_The past few weeks have been so perfect. Seeing you again has only made me fall more in love with you than ever before, and my heart aches to be leaving you again. We’ve hardly spent two months actually together, which seems crazy, because I know that I’ve fallen so hard and fast for you that it would scare me, if I wasn’t so certain of my feelings for you..._

_**Letter no. 139** _

_Dear Poe,_

_Tonight I am watching the stars, and my eyes keep drifting over constellations. The stars are beautiful tonight, but I can’t help but let my mind wander back to you, and how your beauty would trump that of a thousand stars..._

_**Letter no.168** _

_Dear Finn,_

_I can’t wait until I see you again. My tour ends in 3 weeks, and then I can come home to you, to your warm arms and your beautiful smile. I can make you laugh again, and I can hold you and kiss you and feel you..._

_**Letter no.169** _

_Mr Finn Samuels, We regret to inform you that one of our pilots, Poe Dameron, was shot down during combat. His body was not recovered..._


	4. The Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn learns to cope with losing Poe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - A few people asked me to fix their hearts after the last chapter, and I’m about 90% sure that this is definitely not what they meant.

There wasn’t a funeral, because there wasn’t a body to be buried. There was, however, a service to honor his life, a service of remembrance that was so sparsely populated that it seemed there was little point having it at all.

How could Poe, this charismatic, beautiful man, have possibly only impacted the lives of his father and the people he flew with. Didn’t he have an extended family? A massive collection of friends? A swarm of adoring fans? A man like him must have charmed the pants off everyone he met, and yet there were less than 20 people in attendance.

In the end, Finn had declined to speak, instead letting Poe’s friends speak, since they had clearly known him for much longer, though the brevity of their relationship didn’t stop him from crying as though there was a tsunami raging behind his eyes when his Jess spoke fondly and brokenly about his bravery in the field, about his stupid hero complex, about how amazing he was, and about how much he would be missed, as she tried desperately to keep her voice steady as she spoke, wiping away tears angrily as though they were a betrayal of her fierce personality.  It didn’t stop him from aching inside when he met Poe’s dad for the first time, and he felt a bitter twist in his heart when he wished that Poe could be there to introduce them to eachother, and introduce him as his boyfriend. It didn’t stop him from almost breaking down as they left, and it seemed Rey’s hand squeezing his own gently, comfortingly, was the only thing stopping him from screaming out. 

When they back to their apartment, Finn had practically torn off the black jacket, before stopping entirely, staring at the letter in Rey’s hand as she walked through the door, flicking through the various pieces of mail from their mailbox until her eyes finally landed on the one that had caught Finn’s eyes.

Silent tears tracked down his cheeks as he recognised the familiar cursive writing, the collection of stamps littering the envelope from where it had been shuttled from country to country, and the small number etched in the corner of the envelope.

They had taken to numbering the letters not long after Poe had gone away, since they often arrived late and out of order. The small number on this letter read #13, a letter Poe had been insistent he had written, but that had never reached Finn. A letter that he had joked was cursed because of the 13 in the number. A letter which now seemed to arrive from beyond the grave.

“Oh, Finn.” Rey looked up from the letter to glance at him apologetically.

“It’s from him.” He whispered and Rey looked back down the letter as though she wasn’t sure whether to give it to him or not. “It’s his.” Finn had choked out, hot tears coursing down his cheeks.

“Finn, I…” Rey whispered, but she couldn’t seem to find the words to comfort him. 

“I want to read it.” He choked out eventually.

“You don’t have to.” Rey tried to soothe him gently, still holding the letter in one hand.

“Yes.” He replied. “Yes I do.” He nodded, raising one hand to wipe the tears from under his eyes, dampening the sleeve of his black shirt with enough tears to fill a river. Without another word, Rey handed the letter to him, and he stared at it with some kind of reverence, before taking it and walking to his room, placing it on his bedside table wordlessly. Rey followed him quietly into his room to find him curled up on his bed, now changed into a pair of sweatpants and one of the shirts he had ‘borrowed’ from Poe, sobbing quietly into his pillow.

“Oh, Finn.” She sighed, her heart aching to see how broken he seemed. She gently climbed onto the bed, lying down next to him to pull him into a tight hug, her arms wrapping around his waist as he shuffled back gently into her embrace. Rey was slimmer than Poe, her arms were thin and wiry, as opposed to his strong, warm arms, and she was a little shorter, a little colder, but her presence was comforting nonetheless, and eventually he managed to fall asleep, with tears still drying on his cheeks.

At some point in the night he managed to wake himself up with torturous dreams of the man he had lost, and he found himself alone in an empty bed. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected, Rey had her own bed to sleep in, she shouldn’t have to bunk down with him.

Wiping away the fresh tears on his cheeks, he sat up, pulling his knees to his chest and casting his gaze around the room, inspecting each shadow, until his eyes landed on the letter still propped on his nightstand, unopened and unread. With slow, steady movements, as though something might jump out and stop him, he picked up the letter, turning it over in his hands a few times, inspecting each letter etched on the page, reading and rereading every word. Finally, after a reasonable amount of deliberation, he gently opened the letter, trying not to tear the envelope like he had with the others in his haste to read Poe’s letter. This time he opened it cautiously, carefully, as though the letter was as valuable as solid gold.

The sight of fresh pages of Poe’s beautiful cursive writing was enough to send Finn reeling, as memories flooded his brain of the simple things he had taken for granted while Poe was alive and home with him. The little Post-Its Poe would leave around his apartment for Finn to find with small messages, often as simple as a statement that they had run out of something, or that he had gone out to walk his dog, BeeBee. The notes he wrote on the mirror after he’d had a shower that Finn discovered when he walked into the bathroom for a shower of his own. His beautiful handwriting on every single letter he had ever written Finn, all of which were still sat in one of the drawers in Finn’s bedside table.

Poe’s writing was like a work of art. The kind that belonged in a museum. The purposeful strokes of his pen on the page, each tiny dot of ink flowing into the next letter in the word so each letter was linked to the one next to it. Each word was carefully chosen, written with intent, so no words were left to be superfluous, but at the same time his writing wasn’t sparse or vague. Every word had a meaning, a purpose, and intention. It read smoothly like poetry, written like a prayer.

Finn read through Poe’s letter with a fresh sense of grief, his heart aching as he took in each word of the letter, his eyes brushing gently over every stroke of the pen with a reverence for the way that he wrote.

_Dear Finn,_

_If you’re reading this, then the worst has happened, and I want to start with an apology._

_I know how you must be feeling right now, at least I think I do, and I know how awful it is to loose someone close to you, and how absolutely heart-wrenching it can be, so I want to apologise for putting you through this, because it breaks my heart to know that, if you’re reading this, then I’ve caused you so much pain and heartache. I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done wrong, every harsh word, every angry admission. Even if there have only been a few as I’m writing this, I almost hope there will be more by the time you receive this, because at least that will mean that we’ve been together again, instead of communicating through a stupid letter. I’m sorry for the times I’ve scared you, and everyone else, half to death (although unfortunately this time it seems I sent myself all the way there). ~~I’m sorry for making jokes in my death letter~~ , I’m sorry for everything, but most of all I’m sorry that I left you, and I’m sorry that I ever let you go._

_By now you’ve probably realised that this isn’t actually letter_ _#_ _13\. This is my goodbye, my apology, my final farewell. In our squadron we all write letters to the people that mean the most to us back home, so that if the worst should happen they have one final message to say goodbye._

_I never really had a letter, because my dad knew the risks, and we ended every meeting with a goodbye as if it was the last time, just in case, and then you came along and I realised that you weren’t the kind of person I could say goodbye to every time I left, because it would hurt too much, and I finally realised that I had someone worth writing to. Of course, this happened around the same time letter_ _#_ _13 went missing, so I wrote it on the envelope, like our own little joke._ _#_ _13 always was unlucky._

_Now that the formalities are out of the way, there are a few things I’d like to address._

_First and foremost, I want you to have BeeBee, that is, if you can take her. I know it sounds demanding, and maybe you can’t take her for whatever reason, but I love that dog, and I know she loves you, and I hope you love her, and I want you to have something for you to remember me by. Does that sound selfish? I want you to remember me, and I hope that somehow my dog might help you do that. Maybe that’s a stupid sentiment, but that dog deserves a home, which I pretty much failed at giving her, what with me being away half the time and sending her to live with my dad. Of course, buying a dog when you fly in the air force isn’t the most practical decision, but I’m not known for thinking things through too thoroughly. But that’s beside the point, this is my letter to you, I’m not writing about my dog for the entire thing, as cute as BeeBee may be._

_The second thing I would like you to do is to speak to my dad. I know that I haven’t ever introduced you to him (at least not yet), but I know for a fact that he would love you, and I hope you’d like him too. Despite the fact that he knows that my job isn’t necessarily the safest, I still worry about him, so perhaps you could meet him for yourself. Tell him about yourself, tell him about your hopes and dreams, tell him about our relationship, tell him about anything, just talk to him._

_Of course, you don’t have to do either of these things. You’re not bound to anything in this letter. I know that everyone grieves differently, and if you choose to remove every reminder of me from your life as a way of coping, then that’s okay. I promise you, that’s okay too. It’s okay if you send BeeBee to live with my dad permanently and don’t speak to him beyond telling him that she’s theirs, and you burn all my letters and all the clothes I know you’ve taken from my wardrobe and delete the photos of us off your phone because even the smallest reminder is like a punch to the gut. That’s okay, and I promise you that, wherever I am now, I accept and respect any decision you make after this letter, but please, read it all the way through._

_Now that I’ve addressed that, I’ve something to confess, something we haven’t said yet, though hopefully given time we will, and I hope we have enough time that my confession here isn’t the first time you hear it._

_I love you. I love you so much it hurts. I love you with each and every fiber of my being, and every drop of blood that runs through my veins_. _I’m aware that this is a pretty useless confession right now but given the circumstances, I believe you have a right to know, a right to understand, and I hope that maybe, in some way, this might serve as some consolation to you when I’m gone, or that it might help to reassure you that you are loved. I love you with such an indescribable ferocity, and I can’t quite process how it came to be, because we’ve only known eachother for a few short months, and yet you seem to have gotten under my skin in a way that nobody else ever has. I’ll admit, it scares me a little that I’ve fallen so hard and fast for you, because these things have never worked out well for me in the past (despite what I might say, I’ve never had much luck when it comes to something longer than a one night stand), but somehow with you, I feel safe and happy and comfortable and I know that there’s nobody else I’d want to spend time with but you. I just need you to know that even though I’m not here, I’m still loving you wherever I am now, whether that’s up in heaven, or down in hell or in the great big Something with a capital S that comes after death. Wherever I am now, I know I’ll miss you so much that it aches, I miss your smile, your excited laugh, the way your strong arms felt around me, the way you look in my clothes, the way you pretend to know what BeeBee means when she barks at you and make up some kind of response in that stupid voice you use when you talk to animals, your stupid heroism thing, which I guess I have too. I’ve sat here for hours and memorized every inch of your face while you were sleeping and now I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever appreciate a sunset so much the next time I see it, or the stars and the moon, because I doubt they could ever hope to match up to the beauty of your face and your arms. You’re so wonderful, Finn, and you deserve so much more than this, much more than what I could offer you._

_And now somewhere in the midst of this letter, I have rambled on to write a stupidly long letter that you probably won’t even be able to read, because lets face it, who wants to read a letter from their dead boyfriend that’s been delivered from beyond the grave. Unfortunately, this letter isn’t even complete, and there’s a good chance I’ll come back and edit it, making small corrections, and adding details. Maybe one day we’ll get married, and I’ll look back at this letter and change all the details to write to you as my husband, or maybe we’ll break up and I’ll consider burning this, before starting again to write a fresh letter to you telling you how I still love you, and I’m sorry for how we ended things. However this letter goes, I want you to know that I love you, and that I’m sorry._

_I’m so sorry._

_Love,_

_Poe_

Tears dripped silently down Finn’s face as he read the letter and the small annotations added around it in different ink, jotted down like little notes, bolted on to the original letter. He read the letter again and again, as though he were trying to commit each word to memory, and when the first rays of sunlight flooded through his curtains in the morning he was still reading and rereading Poe’s final letter to him, his blankets tangled around his legs, Poe’s favourite jacket draped across his shoulders, though he hardly remembered moving to get it. He was still reading the letter when he heard Rey emerge from her room at 8:00am like always to get some coffee before hitting the gym. He didn’t stop reading the letter until Rey stuck her head around the door to check in on him, and froze when she saw his slightly ragged state. Without stopping to think about disrupting her morning routine, she walked over to the bed to sit next to him.

“How long have you been up?” she asked and he lowered the letter slightly, turning a little to face her.

“A while.” He replied quietly.

“Finn…”

“I’m fine.” He snapped. “I’m fine.” He croaked, quieter this time, tears dripping slowly down his cheeks again.

“Right, I’m staying here.” Rey nodded, “What do you want for breakfast?” She asked, standing up.

“Rey, you can leave me alone, I’m not five.” Finn huffed angrily.

“Missing one day at the gym won’t kill me, and lucky for us, I don’t have any classes today, and neither do you,” Rey smiled, trying to lighten the mood, though in truth she was just as crushed by Poe’s death, and the effect it was having on her best friend. He had seemed to get better between hearing the news and the service, at least she thought he had, but now it seemed like the service had opened up a whole new can of worms, reopening floodgates and only increasing his pain. She had never seen him like this before.

“You don’t have to.” Finn muttered, although thankfully she could tell he was at least a little bit grateful that she was staying, even if he wouldn’t admit it.

“Of course I don’t, but I want to.” She smiled, leaning down to pull him into a gentle hug. “Breakfast?” She asked, softer this time, as she leant back from the hug. Finn made a noncommittal noise, although he did set down the letter for the first time since he’d opened it last night. “Pancakes it is.” She smiled, casting one last glance towards her best friend, who was now sitting mutely, staring blankly at the wall opposite him as though deep in thought, before heading through to the kitchen. 

***

Finn pushed around the food on his plate, even though Rey knew that chocolate chip pancakes with Nutella spread on top were his favourites, his guilty pleasure, and his comfort food. They had gotten him through many a bad breakup, and some of the worst times while Poe was away, and yet now he was prodding them with his fork like unwanted brussel sprouts that had been shoved onto his plate.

Eventually Rey picked up his plate, taking it over to the sink and sweeping the leftover food into the bin, knowing she couldn’t force him to eat it, no matter how long they sat at the table. By the time she had washed up, he had moved over onto the sofa, curling up under a blanket and staring at the wall in front of him, though one look into his eyes told her that he was caught up in a distant memory, oblivious to the world around him. She sat wordlessly beside him, wrapping a slim arm around his waist and resting her head on his shoulder.

“I miss him.” He croaked out hoarsely after a few moments. “Even though we spent most of our time apart, it was still like there was a part of him with me. But now that’s gone. There’s just a hole inside me where he’s meant to be.”

“Finn…” Rey whispered, reaching out her free hand to catch his and rubbing her thumb soothingly along the back of his hand.

“Don’t tell me it’ll get better.” He instructed her, although there was no heat behind what could easily have been an angry retort. “I know that it will, but right now I can’t see past the pain. I can’t think about anything except how much I miss him, and how much I want him back.”

“I know.” Rey whispered. “I miss him too.” She soothed him, still gently rubbing her thumb along the back of his hand. “We all miss him.”


	5. The Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn learns how to get by without Poe, and he even manages to move on and start a relationship with someone new, until something happens that changes everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a feeling some of you might appreciate the end of this chapter quite a lot. But read all, okay? Don't just skip to the end.

_Dear Poe,_

_I got your letter, unlucky letter_ _#_ _13, your final goodbye. I don’t know how you ever thought that I might want to forget you, or erase you from my memory, and frankly even if I did you are far too spectacular to ever really forget. And I don’t want to forget. Even though sometimes I miss you so much I want to wash my brain with bleach to try and erase the part where you left, I will never, ever want to forget you. I want to hold on to our relationship, and everything we had. Every moment, every word, ever last second, because it was all wonderful. Even the parts where I missed you, and I worried about you, the highs and the lows, I want to remember them all because they were ours. They belonged to us, and if you aren’t going to be here, then I’m sure as hell going to remember you as much as I can._

_It was Rey’s idea to write a letter. She thinks it might help me come to terms with everything a little better. She’s been reading far too much stuff online, but I know that she means well, so I decided to go along with her idea. Surprisingly enough, writing to you is helping, although it feels a little too much like you’re still alive, and I know that the point is to let you go._

_It’s been two months now, and even though it still aches when I hear your name, when I sleep at night and I feel the emptiness in my bed, when I see someone with hair that’s perfectly messy, when BeeBee barks at me and imagine the way you barked back at her, when I stop by your dad's bakery and I see your face in his, even though all of that still makes me ache, I’m learning to live with it. I don’t cry anymore when I see a picture of us on my phone, or when one of the songs you sang to me plays on the radio, which is something, I guess, but it still hurts so much to know I’ll never hold you again or hear your laugh or read your writing for the first time, unless the actual letter_ _#_ _13 miraculously shows up._

_I’m learning to live with the hole in my heart where you’re meant to be, because what more can I do but endure the pain? What more can I do but learn to live through it?_

_At night I look at the stars through my bedroom window and I think of you..._

_***_

After the first letter Finn started writing to Poe more and more. He wrote about the trivial things like what he did at work and the bigger things like Rey getting together with Jessika, and somehow it helped. Each time he wrote a new letter he would stash it away in his drawer in a small bundle next to the bundle of letters Poe had written him, and as the months slipped by, Finn could feel himself healing slowly but surely.

As they approached the one year mark of his death, Finn had begun to feel more confident again, happier as the pain in his chest faded to a dull ache. It still hurt when Poe’s favourite songs came on the radio and Finn was hit with a wave of nostalgia, taken back to the lazy mornings when Poe would get up to make breakfast, dancing around the kitchen and singing as he poured coffee and flipped pancakes. It still sent a pang through him when he caught sight of Poe’s beautiful handwriting on the letters he’d sent as he slid a new one into the drawer. But it hurt a little less. 

Soon Finn’s letters changed tempo, becoming more upbeat and happy, and their subject shifted slightly, until one day, he wrote one final letter to Poe, taking a deep breath as he slid the letter into the drawer with all the others, and exhaling as he closed it, as if he was letting go of Poe finally, breathing him out of his soul. Poe would always hold a piece of his heart, but it was time to move on. It was time to carry on with his life.

_Dear Poe,_

_I’m not sure how to start this letter, or even how to write it, because it’s like writing this letter draws a close to everything we’ve been through._

_It’s been a rough year, the year that’s passed since I lost you, and I’ve spent a lot of time trying to find my footing again. It’s not been easy, and there have been ups and downs over the course of the year, but I like to think you’ve been helping me through it, wherever you are. It’s a crazy thought, and it’s not like I’m claiming to feel your presence with me, but it’s a nice sentiment I guess, to believe that you were here, guiding me through this._

_Before I carry on with what I want to say, I want you to know that a part of me will always love you, no matter what happens next. You’ll always be the first person I really loved and the first person who’s ever loved me. Loosing you was hell, because, until your letter, I didn’t have any closure. At least if a relationship ends on bad terms you know it’s ended, but for us it never did._

_This isn’t really a break-up letter, except that it is.  
_

_I’ve met someone. Her name is Kate, she’s in one of my classes. It’s too early to tell where things are going, but I’m taking her on a date tomorrow night, and I wanted to do this before I took her out. This is my closure, Poe, and I feel like after a year, maybe it’s okay to let go now.  
_

_Poe, I really hope that wherever you are now, if you have some kind of presence, if you can see what’s happening, I really hope you’re happy. I hope you’re okay with the fact that I’m moving on. You’ll always live in my heart and my mind, in one way or another, but it’s about time I opened my heart to other people too. I can’t keep it locked away forever, unfortunately._

_I love you._  
Goodbye Poe.  


_Love,  
Finn._

***

“So Finn, tell me, what’s a handsome man like you doing single?” Kate grinned, taking a sip from her drink. It was a simple enough question, how was she meant to know. “There’s not something wrong with you, is there? Some kind of crazy quirk that drives people away that I’ve yet to discover?” She laughed, but Finn struggled to even pull up a smile.

“Actually I’ve kind of been out of the dating game for the last year.” He replied, a little edgily.

“Finn, are you okay?” Kate frowned a little, noticing his expression and the edge to his voice.

“Uh, yeah, my last relationship didn’t end so well, that’s all.” He coughed, shaking his head to try and clear out the images of Poe clouding his mind.

“Oh, god, that’s a shame, did they cheat on you or something?” She asked and Finn stiffened. _She doesn’t know._ He told himself. _It’s not her fault. She doesn’t know._

“No, he, uh, he...” He stammered a little, wondering how to phrase it. “He passed away.” He finally choked out, and Kate’s shock would be comedic if Finn’s mood hadn’t been dragged down by the mention of what happened with Poe.

“Oh, god, Finn, I’m so sorry.” She gasped, her mouth forming a small ‘o’ before her hand reached up to cover it.

“It’s fine, you didn’t know.” Finn gave her a weak smile.

“God, I’m so stupid, I feel horrible. I’ve totally just put my foot in my mouth, and now I’ve ruined our date...” Kate rambled on about how sorry she was until Finn eventually cut her off.

“Hey, it’s been a year, and I’m okay now, can we please just carry on with our date?” Finn smiled evenly, having taken the time to collect his thoughts as she muttered her apologies.

“Oh, yeah, of course.” She smiled, laughing quietly.

They made small talk for the rest of the evening, their conversation continuing as Finn drove Kate back to her apartment, and it was easy, and nice, and it was the first time in a year that he had felt able to talk like this with someone. Rey didn’t count, because they were practically siblings anyway.

“This is me.” Kate smiled as Finn pulled over to the side of the road to let her out.

“I had a really great time tonight.” Finn smiled and leaned in to press a light kiss to her cheek. As he leaned back, she laughed before grabbing his face gently.

“Give me a real kiss you dummy.” She smiled, before pulling him in for a quick kiss, their mouths sliding over one another and tongues tangling together. “Finn.” She breathed as she pulled away gently. “I need to ask you something. It’s been bothering me since the restaurant, and I don’t want to seem bitchy about it, it’s just that I like you, and I hope you like me, and I need to know before we get any further-“

“Just ask me, Kate.” Finn stopped her, already having a reasonable idea what she was about to ask.

“Are you still I love with him?” She asked. “I know enough to know that if a relationship ends like that, he’ll always be a part of you, I’m not asking you to forget him, but if this thing between us might be something more...” She trailed off, glancing up at him. “I just don’t want to be competing with a ghost.”

“You won’t be.” Finn reached out to grab her hand gently. “I’ve made my peace with what happened.” He smiled and she smiled back this time, seemingly placated by his answer, leaning in to kiss him again.

“Okay, now I really have to go.” She pulled away with a smile, pressing one final kiss on his lips before hopping out of the car. “I’ll see you later, ‘kay?”

“I’ll call you.” Finn laughed, sending her a quick wave as she grinned and hurried into the building. He waited until she had made it into the lobby before grinning widely and driving off.

***

After their first date, Finn and Kate went out more and more, growing closer and learning more about eachother, getting to know eachother better and better, and Finn could almost feel himself falling for the girl. She was lovely, after all. Her hair shined in the sun and her eyes sparkled when she laughed. She had an excellent sense of humour and her laugh was so natural and genuine, as was her smile. She wasn’t perfect, she had her moments when she got flustered and didn’t know what to say, but she could be calm and cool when she had time to collect herself.

Finn could imagine a future with her. He knew she was good for him. Kate was right for him, she was who he should be dating, the perfect girl for him. He knew all of that, but he couldn’t help but feel guilty all the same. He had made his peace with Poe, and yet it still felt faintly like a betrayal. But _no._ Poe was gone, and he’d grieved for long enough. Kate was funny and smart and kind, and Finn liked her, he really did. He just didn’t know if it was enough.

***

In the end, Finn made it a whole two months into the relationship before the incident. He was heading back to his apartment, Kate only a few minutes behind him (having run back to the car for her phone that she’d left behind, telling him to go on ahead), well aware that Rey would be out (it was her date night with Jess), when he opened the door and froze in the doorway. His eye’s widened and his mouth dropped open a little as his eyes landed on the man currently sat on his sofa.

“You still keep a spare key under the mat.” Poe smiled, standing up as Finn shook his head, trying to clear his vision. “I know it’s a lot to take in. I tried to write but I think I might have beaten my letter here.” Poe laughed a little as he stepped forward, closing the gap between them. “I missed you.” Poe smiled a little sadly, before leaning in to press their lips together in a slow, sweet kiss. After only a few seconds, however, Finn took an unsteady step backwards, shaking a little from the shock of seeing Poe again. Poe didn’t press him, watching him with a calm expression as Finn tried desperately to collect his thoughts.

 _Make a list._ Finn thought. _Make a list of what you know._

_1)_ _Poe was alive._  
2)     _Finn had no idea how Poe was alive._  
3)     _Poe was alive and in his apartment.  
4)     _ _Finn’s girlfriend could arrive in said apartment at any moment._

_Speaking of..._

“Finn, what on earth is wrong with you? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.” Kate laughed as she walked towards him from the stairwell.

 _Sure as hell feels like it._ Finn thought as he glanced between Poe and Kate, his eyes flickering back and forth across the two people, his mind going entirely blank except for one word.

_Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back...
> 
> Also, opinions on Kate??


	6. The Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe crashes back into Finn's life, leaving him with a decision to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is looooong, and a lot happens in not all that much time. I’m not really sure how some of you are gonna feel about this. I guess some of it is kind of predictable, but yeah. I think I’m only going to do one more part after this, so prepare for the end…

“I think I need to lie down.” Was the first thing Finn managed to say to either of the two people staring at him, searching for answers as to what the actual _fuck_ was going on. Finn was also interested in the answer to that question. The second thing he managed to say was “I think I’m going to throw up.”

Within seconds of his announcement he was being ushered into his apartment and seated on the sofa by Poe while Kate hurried into the kitchen and grabbed a bowl, just in case he actually threw up. Moments later he found himself awkwardly sandwiched between the two of them, painfully aware that they both wanted to know exactly who the other was. Once he had managed to collect his thoughts (and no longer felt like he was about to puke up his guts), he sat up from his hunched position.

“I suppose it’s about time I made some introductions.” Finn smiled half-heartedly. “Poe, this is Kate. Kate, Poe.” He gestured between the two of them. Kate’s mouth dropped open in surprise, while Poe looked at the woman blankly. 

“I’m sorry, I’m confused.” They said in near synchronicity.

“Right, I forget that Poe was gone for, like, a year, so he has no idea what’s going on, and Kate still thinks Poe is dead.” Finn muttered under his breath to no one in particular. “Which, by the way, I did too, up until about 10 minutes ago.” Finn added for good measure. Kate nodded with a certain measure of relief, but Poe frowned a little. “Okay, so explanations. Kate, this is Poe. He was my boyfriend before, the one that I told you about. Up until 10 minutes ago when I walked into my apartment, I thought he was dead, and have done for the past year or so.” Finn summarised for her, before turning to Poe. “Poe, this is Kate. She’s kind of my girlfriend.” Finn told him in a much gentler tone, and Poe’s entire face dropped.

“What?” Poe asked quietly, and Finn’s heart started aching all over again.

“Poe, you were dead. I thought you were dead, we all did. And now you just show up out of the blue and expect the world to have stopped while you were away?” Finn asked, though there was no harshness to his tone, despite the slight edge his words held.

“Finn, I’m gonna go, you two have a lot to work out, I don’t want to get in the way.” Kate stood up quietly.

“I’ll call you.” Finn replied, almost automatically, avoiding Poe’s gaze as she pressed a gentle kiss on his cheek, her eyes flickering between the two of them in one last fleeting glance before she left the apartment.

“She seems nice.” Poe stared down at his hands.

“Poe-“ Finn whispered.

“How long have you been seeing her?” He glanced up, swallowing back the lump in his throat, desperately trying to keep his voice even.

“Two months.” Finn replied quietly, his voice barely a whisper.

“Two months?” Poe choked out, and Finn’s heart ached at the sight of his broken expression. “We hardly spent two months on the same continent when we were dating for a year.” Poe let out a forced laugh, though it was so strained it sounded strangled and bizarre.

“Poe, don’t do this.” Finn whispered, pressing his eyes shut. “How are you even alive? Your plane crashed. There was no sign of you…”

“I woke up a reasonable distance from the crash site, flung from the wreckage on the way down, I landed in a lake, which was damn lucky. Couple hundred meters in any other direction and the impact would’ve killed me. A woman, her name was Leia, I think, found me in the lake and dragged me out. I was unconscious, so she took me back home with her somehow and nursed me back to health. I was there for about a month, maybe a little more, before she would even think about letting me leave. Eventually I tried to make my way home but it took way too long. When you have no passport, no ID, and the US Government has pretty much got you registered as dead, it’s pretty difficult to cross borders. I tried to write to you, but I guess my letter got lost or something. Eventually I managed to convince the government that I was, in fact, very much alive, and after a serious amount of paperwork and debriefing they let me through. As soon as I got back into the country I came straight here, to you.” Poe explained with a twist of bitter irony to his words. “I guess I just thought you would’ve waited.” Poe sniffed, looking anywhere but at Finn.

“Poe that’s not fair.” Finn recoiled as if he’d been punched in the gut by Poe’s harsh words. “I waited. I waited for a whole year. I spent an entire year trying to learn to live without you, and now, just as I’ve put myself back together again, here you come, back from the dead, acting as though nothing could possibly have changed. A lot can happen in a year, Poe. Things change. People change.”

“Well shit, Finn, I’m sorry for thinking our relationship meant something to you.” Poe yelled, the mood in the room swinging violently from sadness to red hot anger.

“Meant something to me?” Finn yelled back. “Of course it meant something to me!”

“Of course it did.” Poe bit back, his words filled with venom, laced with sarcasm. 

“You want to know what our relationship meant to me?” Finn snapped, standing up and storming into his room, grabbing the drawers where he kept his ‘Poe’ things and pulling them out of the bedside table, snatching his jacket from where it hung on the back of the door.

Finn slammed the drawers down, one on top of the other, staring at Poe with absolute anger, while Poe looked at the drawers in shock.

“Your jacket, from our second date when I got cold and you gave it to me and told me I could keep it.” He tossed it at Poe. “The ticket stub from our third date when you took me to see that stupid film that neither of us watched. The pictures from when we went in the photobooth in the mall, and I always said you ruined them by not pulling silly faces because you were too busy looking at me.” Finn’s voice grew softer and more tender, the anger fading out as he pulled items out of the drawers. “The Post-It’s that you left all over the apartment with stupid little messages. That’s right, I kept them all. The t-shirt you gave me when we got soaked through on our way back from the park when it started raining.” Finn was close to tears when he reached the bottom of the drawers. “Every single letter you ever wrote me while you were away, and every letter I wrote you after I thought you died.” Finn threw the letters at him. “But if you think that I don’t care, then fine. Keep them all. Keep everything.” Finn yelled, before storming to his room and slamming the door behind him. Poe didn’t follow him, and he supposed it was for the best, though he couldn’t help but wish he had. The one thing he was thankful for was that he didn’t hear the apartment door open and shut, so he knew Poe was still there. No matter how much they fought, Finn still wasn’t ready to lose him again, he’d barely even come to terms with the fact that he was back. 

He wondered who else knew. Had Poe told his parents? Jess? Any of his friends? Poe said he had come straight here, but surely he would have paused to at least call everyone he cared about, everyone who cared about him? Then again, it wasn’t exactly the kind of thing you did over the phone.

 Eventually Finn drifted of to sleep, lulled by the gentle whir of his thoughts and the tears drying on his cheeks.

***

He woke up to the sound of a gentle knock on the door and a familiar voice calling his name. For a moment he was disorientated, convinced he’d imagined the voice, until the events of the afternoon came flooding back.

His eyes fluttered open, glancing over at the door, slightly ajar, letting a slither of light into the dark room, partially blocked by Poe looking through the small gap. It was then that Finn registered that it was still relatively dark outside, with the sun only just beginning to appear over the horizon.

“Finn?” Poe asked again and Finn sat up a little in his bed, rubbing his eyes.

“Yeah?” He asked a little sleepily.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up…” Poe muttered.

“It’s fine, come in.” Finn nodded to the bed, sitting properly and leaning back against the headboard. Poe nodded and walked in, awkwardly coming to sit next to him on the bed while Finn leaned to the side to turn on the bedside lamp.

“I read your letters.” Poe held up the bundle of papers in his hand that Finn hadn’t noticed when he walked in. “I’m not sure if you wanted me to but I did.”

“They were addressed to you, weren’t they.” Finn shrugged. Sure, they were a little private, and he’d written them with the expectation that nobody would ever read them, but at the end of the day they were still letters to Poe.

“I’m really sorry for what I put you through, and I’m sorry that I got mad and assumed that you didn’t care. I knew you cared, I was just… I was a little hurt that you’d moved on, but reading your letters… I can see how hard it was for you to let go.” Poe grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently. Finn smiled a little and squeezed back.

“What do I do now?” Finn asked, leaning his head back against the wall and shutting his eyes.

“You carry on with your life as it was before I came back. I had no right to storm back into your life and try and pretend nothing had changed.” Poe told him.

“Poe, you know that wouldn’t work. I just got you back, you think I’m going to let go again?” Finn frowned, turning to face him.

“What about Kate?” Poe asked, his voice uneven.

“I don’t know.” Finn half yelled. “I don’t know what to do, Poe.” Finn sighed.

They sat in silence for a little while, with Finn thinking everything through in his head, before he turned to Poe again.

“What do you want, Poe?”  Finn asked.

“You should stay with Kate-“ Poe started but Finn cut him off before he could say another word.

“Damnit, Poe, I didn’t ask what you thought I should do I asked what you wanted.” Finn yelled and Poe glanced at him with an expression that said everything. An expression that said he knew Finn probably wouldn’t like the answer. “What do you want, Poe? What do you want me to do, because I’m trying to find a situation where no one gets hurt and I can’t, I need you to tell me what you want.” Finn choked out, fresh tears welling in his eyes.

“I want you to be happy.” Poe told him with absolute sincerity. “I wish I could say that was all I want, like this was some sappy movie, but I can’t, because I’m unbearably selfish. I want you to be happy, but I want to be the one that makes you happy. I want to be there for you, I want to hold you and make you laugh and kiss away the wrinkles on your forehead when you frown. I want you.” Poe replied. “I didn’t want to tell you because I knew it would make this harder.”

“It certainly doesn’t make it any easier.” Finn laughed sadly, resting his head on Poe’s shoulder.  

“You’ll figure this out.” Poe whispered, twisting to press a light kiss on Finn’s head as Finn’s eyes fluttered shut. “I know you will.” Poe whispered as Finn slowly drifted back to sleep.

***

Finn didn’t wake back up until almost midday, by which point Poe had left his bed, having covered him gently with a blanket and arranged him into a position that wouldn’t leave his back and neck aching, leaving Finn waking up with the distinct feeling of being alone.

He sat up, aware of the low chatter of voices in his apartment, realising that Rey was probably back by now. Slowly, he made his way out into the main room of their apartment, and was only a little surprised to see Poe and Rey deep in conversation on the sofa, with a plate of pancakes sat on the side waiting for him. Finn also noted that the mess from last night when he had thrown various items at Poe had been tidied away into the drawers, which presumably had been placed back in his bedside table.

“So he’s finally awake.” Rey called, turning to face him from where she’d had her back to him. He had no clue how she did that, he was being quiet, but that was beside the point. “And may I just ask, why the hell didn’t you tell me that Poe was alive? You could have called! Both of you could’ve, don’t think you’re off the hook Dameron.” She shot him a pointed look. “Jess is really pissed off that you didn’t even send her a text or something.”

“Uh, sorry…” Finn muttered, while Poe rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, muttering his own apologies.

“You should be sorry, I almost had a heart attack when I found out that the man sleeping on the couch who I was covering with a blanket wasn’t Finn, but his supposedly dead ex-boyfriend.” She yelled. “Eat your pancakes before they get cold.” She added as an afterthought, huffing a little, before resuming her conversation with Poe, about some kind of engine or plane, the kind of engineering mumbo-jumbo that he didn’t understand because he was an Art major. Rey was clearly trying to make a point: Next time your (ex?)-boyfriend comes back from the dead, let her know. Seemed simple enough.

Finn had hardly started eating his pancakes when their intercom buzzed and Kate’s voice called out from the small speaker on the wall.

“Hey, it’s me, can I come up?” Finn glanced over at Poe, who looked a little put out, before standing up and answering.

“Yeah, come on up.” Finn buzzed her in, before turning back to face Rey, already knowing what her reaction would be.

“Wait, so explain something to me. The love of your life just came back from the dead and you’re still dating this girl?” Rey snapped.

“Rey, I haven’t had time to sort this out. I’ve hardly had time to take in the fact that Poe’s alive, let alone think about what happens next.” Finn hissed, very aware that Poe was still in the room and could hear their entire conversation. Thankfully, before Rey could snap back and scold him there was a series of quick taps on the door. Finn fired another quick glance at Poe before opening the door to let Kate in. Within seconds of walking through the door, her eyes zeroed in on Poe, still sat on the sofa.

“Morning, everyone.” She waved somewhat awkwardly. “Do you guys mind if I speak to Finn alone for a bit?” She smiled, but it seemed forced.

“Oh, yeah, sure.” Rey nodded uncomfortably, standing up and ushering Poe into her room, shutting the door quickly, though Finn was certain she’d have her ear pressed against the door.

“What’s up?” Finn asked and Kate glanced at him with a frown.

“I think you know, Finn.” She smiled sadly. “Last night I was thinking about our first date, and how I accidentally brought up what happened, and how upset you got, even though you tried to cover it up. You love him, and you may have been fine with him gone, but now that he’s back, I know I can’t compete with that. You guys are meant for eachother. I mean shit, Finn, the man disappeared for a year and his first thought when he got back was to come and see you.” She laughed a little. “I realised last night that I shouldn’t blame you. I’ll admit, at first I was mad. I thought you’d lied, that he wasn’t dead and that you’d been together the entire time and I was just your bit on the side, and now I’d finally caught you in the act. Then I thought about it, and the look on your face when I found you just didn’t add up, besides, you’re a shitty liar and we all know it. You wear your heart on your sleeve. Anyway, I realised that this would be difficult for you and that’s why I’m here. I’m going to make this an awful lot easier for you.”

“Kate, what are you saying?” Finn asked warily.

“I’m breaking up with you, Finn.” She sighed. Finn froze for a moment, letting the information sink in. “I want you to be happy, this is for the best. But for now, I think I ought to go.”

“Kate, I, uh…” Finn stammered over what to say. “Thankyou.” He smiled. “Thankyou for not making this more complicated.”

“I wish you and Poe all the best.” She smiled, though there were tears welling in her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Kate. I’m sorry I couldn’t be who you wanted.”

“It’s fine, Finn. You two are written in the stars, and who am I to stand in the way of destiny?”

“I’ll see you around, Kate.” Finn smiled sadly. He’s sure he should feel more upset, more pained by the end of the relationship, but truth be told he’s just relieved.

“Take care.” And there it was. The final nail in the coffin. Kate nodded at him, shooting him one last smile before hurrying out of the apartment. Finn stared after her for a few moments, a little astounded, until he heard the door to Rey’s room click open.

“I know you guys heard everything, there’s no point even trying to pretend you weren’t listening.” Finn smiled as he turned around.

“So that’s it?” Rey asked. “It’s over?”

“It’s over.” Finn nodded. He glanced at Poe, who was stood, a little sheepishly, in the corner of the room. “Get over here, flyboy.” Finn called, and Poe glanced up, before walking over awkwardly as Rey slipped out of the room, sensing that they would need _a lot_ of alone time. As soon as he was close enough, Finn pulled him into a bone crushing hug. “I’m never letting you go again.” He muttered into Poe’s hair.

“I’m not going anywhere. I retired from flying, after my last incident I doubt they’d let me back up in the air even if I stayed.” Poe replied. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Damn right you’re not.” Finn whispered, before pulling back and capturing his lips in a slow, sloppy kiss. Finn brought one of his hands up to tangle in Poe’s hair, noting how it had gotten longer in the time they’d been apart, while he linked the other with Poe’s free hand, twining their fingers together, Poe’s other hand resting lightly on his hip. As their tongues tangled together and their lips slid against eachother, Finn knew that Poe had taken up his previous residence in his heart, reopening the hole he had carved in it two years earlier, the hole that Finn had tried so carefully to stitch up, and yet it didn’t hurt in the slightest, like Poe’s lips were a drug that carried away any semblance of pain.

“I’ve missed you so much.” Poe whispered, puling away breathlessly to bump their foreheads together.

“I missed you too. So much.” Finn replied, his breath coming out in uneven pants. “I couldn’t lose you again.”

“You won’t. I swear to god, you won’t.” Poe whispered.

“You promise?” Finn asked quietly.

“Yeah, I promise.” Poe grinned, before leaning in to press Finn’s lips against his own again feeling Finn smiling into the kiss.


	7. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Begins with a collection of some of the notes they leave eachother, revealing simple domestic fluff, a trip to the hospital, arguments and Poe’s weird habits and ends with... well, you can figure it out when you read it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last part, and its basically all fluff. It's a bit obscure, and a lot more of it is implied, becuase most of this is told through little notes they leave eachother, just tell me if it's a bit too subtle, this hasn't been read by a beta or anything, so I don't know... but enjoy it, anyway.

_Finn,_   
_I’m at the shops getting eggs, for breakfast. If you’re reading this then I’m either still out, in which case I’ll be back asap, or I’m an idiot who forgot to get rid of the post it note after I got back, in which case you can get rid of this._   
_Love you,_   
_Poe xx :)_

_Poe,_   
_Moving van will be here at 10, hopefully I’ll be back by then, sorry I couldn’t stay to have breakfast with you, but you know how Prof Organa is about her early classes._   
_See you later,_   
_Finn xx_   
_P.S. I love you, roomie ;)_

_Finn,_   
_Good luck on your finals, you’ll be awesome! I know you’ll rock that exam._   
_Love you,_   
_Poe xx_   
_P.S. get home quick, there’s a surprise waiting for you ;)_

_Poe,_   
_Please unpack your boxes, we’ve been living together for 3 months. I don’t care if they’re good for making forts._   
_Finn._   
_P.S. Don’t you dare ignore this Dameron. If they aren’t unpacked by tomorrow, I’m moving back in with Rey, I don’t care if she’s already living with Jess. I’d rather live with their sex noise than these piles of boxes._   
_P.P.S. I love you xx_

_Finn,_   
_I’m sorry I yelled, I’m hoping that sliding a post it under the door is cute enough to convince you to unlock the door. Please let me in. I love you, I didn’t mean to get angry, please let me in._   
_Lots of love,_   
_Poe xx_   
_P.S. It’s also raining outside and I’m really cold cause you have my jacket. Please let me come inside, even if it’s just to yell at me._

_Poe,_   
_Stop sliding post its under the door, I’m mad at you, and you being cute is ruining my anger._   
_Finn_   
_P.S. Why do you even have post its? Do you carry them around in your pocket or something?_

_Finn,_   
_I’m not gonna stop until you let me in to apologise in person. I’ll start adding cute drawings._   
_Love you,_   
_Poe xx_   
_P.S. Yes, yes I do._

_Poe,_   
_Just gone out to get eggs, I’ll be back before you have to leave for work to make you breakfast._   
_Love you,_   
_Finn xx :)_

_Finn,_   
_I’m guessing you got caught up in traffic or something? I had to go to work, but I’ll see you tonight for dinner._   
_Sorry, I love you._   
_Poe xx :)_

_Finn,_   
_Please wake up._   
_I love you._   
_Poe xxx_

_Finn,_   
_I miss you, sitting next to you in a hospital isn’t the same. They keep telling me I need to go. I got really angry and almost hit someone. Now I’m worried they won’t let me come in and see you again._   
_I love you._   
_Poe xxx_

_Poe,_   
_I might be asleep again when you get this, but I wrote you a post it while I was awake. The nurse told me you wanted to be here when I woke up, so if you want I can pretend to wake up again when you’re actually around. Thanks for all the post its you left on my bedside table._   
_I love you._   
_Finn xxxx_

_Finn,_   
_I’m taking BeeBee for a walk, don’t do anything stupid while I’m out, the doctor said to rest._   
_Love you,_   
_Poe xxxxx_

_Poe,_   
_Stop trying to add more x’s than me. I’m at Rey’s for a catchup if you need me, don’t worry, I didn’t walk or anything, she came and picked me up._   
_Love you, I’ll be back for dinner_   
_Finn xxxxxx_

_Finn,_   
_I love you._   
_Poe xxxxxxx_   
_P.S. we need more milk :)_

_Poe,_   
_Yeah, those are all of our post its on the table. Every single one. You’re the center of my universe, and you’re stupid and crazy and sometimes you say things that drive me crazy, and then there was the time that you died for a year, but somehow you’ve managed to make me fall in love with you._   
_I love love love you,_   
_Finn xxxxxxxx_   
_P.S. turn around._

***

Poe grinned as his eyes scanned over the table, absolutely covered in post it notes in varying colours with messages that they had left for eachother, each one carefully collected once it had served it’s purpose and preserved for this precise moment in time.

As Poe’s eye’s scanned over the last one, his smile widened as he turned around to see Finn on one knee behind him, holding out a small velvet box with a ring nestled inside.

Despite the fact that Poe had predicted the proposal as he read the post it, his hand still flew up to cover his mouth in shock as tears welled in his eyes.

“Will you make me the happiest man in the world and do me the absolute honour of being my husband?” Finn smiled and Poe smiled back, pausing before he answered to pull a pad of post its and a pen out of his pocket, scrawling on it in large writing.

_YES!  
-Poe_

Finn laughed as Poe handed him the post it, his grin widening as he read the answer.

“I won.” Finn managed to choke out, and then Poe was kneeling down in front of him and pulling him in for a sloppy kiss, wrapping his arms around his neck to pull him closer, with hot, happy tears running silently down his cheeks. Finn smiled into the kiss, before wrapping his arms around Poe’s waist, the ring all but forgotten for the time being. After a few moments Finn pulled back gently. “I think that’s my favourite note yet.” He grinned, before leaning back in to reclaim Poe’s lips with his own.

And they lived happily (for the most part) ever after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it. The end. Thanks so much to all the people who've commented of left kudos, this is my first multi-chapter work, so I'm glad to see that people actually bothered to read it. Keep shipping Finnpoe xx

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Give Me Love by Ed Sheeran.


End file.
